any co-sleeping families out there?

chinamama · Member

any co-sleeping families out there?

mikababy · Veteran Member

I don't know the answer to your question but I have read about co sleeping and attachment for adopted children. We will consider doing it if that is what is best for her when we return. Adopted babies are mourning their loss at first of their home and other caretakers so I think it is best to continue the co sleeping since she is used to it already.

I can't imagine my family or especially SILs will understand but I read this on an adoption site below and might say something similar or not even tell them about it.

"Some who were opposed to the family bed "got it" when I said "she's been in an orphanage, it's likely that the last time that she was alone was when she was abandoned. Once arriving at the orphanage she slept in a room with twelve babies in it, there is no way we can put her in a room alone and expect her to just deal with it"."

I found this site yesterday actually. You might already know it but I hope it helps

http://www.a4everfamily.org/index.php

http://rqfamily.blogspot.com/2006/04/sleeping-arrangments.html

-- Edited by mikababy at 10:44, 2006-09-13

erin · Veteran Member

well, my daughter isn't quite that age but we co-sleep sometimes. different situation, i bring her mostly to bed at the 3:30/4 am feeding and she sleeps with us until morning.

i also co-sleep with her for naps during the day. when i don't sleep with her for naps, i do put her on the bed, but i put pillows around her (which is supposedly a "no-no" but she isn't going to suffocate on them). since your baby will be older, i imagine rails on the bed-side would work.

my only advice is get a big bed if you don't already have one. we only have a double and it is TIGHT. (we are getting a king probably in the winter)

chinamama · Member

Thanks for the responses. Mika, I love that a4everfamily.org site. I actually used a lot of the information on that site to create an "info packet" of sorts for our family members. I did this right when we started the process because my mom really wasn't getting the differences between having a biological child and adopting a child - that the adopted child is dealing with grief and loss and all sorts of issues that a biological child doesn't have to deal with. So, she immediately started talking about our daughter spending weekends at her house as soon as she's home, etc. I felt like needed to nip it in the bud, so to speak.

Anyway, I printed off all kinds of info on the no-holding policy (only mom and dad hold the baby until they're sure of her attachment to them), only mom and dad do any caregiving, co-sleeping, etc., and gave it to the grandparents and key aunts and uncles. So far, so good. Course, she isn't home yet, so who knows if they'll conveniently "forget" about everything we've told them we're planning to do...

Erin - totally hear ya on the big bed. We're about to upsize from a queen to a king for that very reason.

hotcocoa · Veteran Member

we co-slept with our son at night until from about 4m - 15 months old. (he was not adopted i'll add) the first 4m he was in a bassinet right at our bedside. we'd rock him to sleep at night and lay him in his crib at night, he'd sleep for a good couple hours there alone. when he woke up (which was about the time we were ready to go to bed) we'd bring him in to sleep with us. he was able to take naps during the day by himself (again, we rocked him to sleep and then lay him down), so i didn't have to worry about laying down with him at naptime.

you could try to make a little "nap nook" elsewhere in your house for her... perhaps lay a blanket down on the floor with a small pillow for her. or you could try a toddler bed or crib. my suggestion would be to find a spot that works and then keep it consistent. babies live for predictable routines. also, when you do find that spot, just use it for sleep — not play.

it's so hard to predict what's going to work. all children are different. my son wouldn't sleep just anywhere, it HAD to be his crib, our bed and later on his bed. (he's 3 now). i tried the nap corner, but he wasn't having it.

co-sleeping is an absolutely wonderful thing. my husband and i loved it and would do it again if we ever had another baby. the hardest thing about it is when it becomes "too much" and you need to make the switch to their own room. that's a long way off for you though!

chinamama · Member

thanks hotcocoa - i was always just kind of unclear what people did who co-slept at night...if their babies would sleep at all without being in their bed with them. but it sounds like we'll have several options and just need to find the right one for her.

worst case scenario - i could just nap right alongside her in my bed! sounds pretty nice - napping for the sake of my child!